The Noble Lie

I liken an abusive government or institution to an abusive relationship. When an abuser commits abuse and gets away with it, subsequent episodes of abuse become easier for the abuser. The abuse also becomes more frequent and extreme over time. As the abuse becomes more frequent and extreme, the abuse dynamic comes to define the relationship more and more.

Excuses, justifications, and rationalizations are the currency of abusers. When excuses don't work, outright lies are employed. Abuse is committed out of love for the abused.  The abuser keeps the abused safe from the dangerous world outside. The abuser has their own view of the world which the abused must adopt in order to placate the abuser. In an abusive relationship, the abused must consider the response of the abuser in every word they say and every action they take.

There's an old saying that reads, "where the King goes, so go the people." Abusers are often the victims of abuse themselves earlier in life. Abusive cultures create abusive people.

Reconciliation, if possible at all, is only possible when the abuser acknowledges their actions as abuse, vows never to repeat them, and atones properly for them.